Not Me Monday: Pepperoni and Cream

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

While on a quick shopping trip last week, I did not finally notice the cleaning aisle at Sam’s Club.  I did not slow down and nearly drool over the mop bucket (with wheels that actually swivel and turn), mops, large brooms, packs of spray bottles…  I definitely did not need a reminder from my list-holding 12-year-old son that we “really should get out of this aisle, Mom.  I don’t see anything here on the list, Mom.”

I did not let my children sleep in until nearly 8am a couple mornings this week.  Not me!  Therefore, I did not serve my Old Yeller Breakfast TWICE in the last 7 days.  I also did not serve Pop-Tarts twice, either.  NOT ME! I never feed my children junk food.

I did not lose 2 quarts half-full of raw cream in my fridge, so they did not sour.  We waste nothing at our house.  I did not try to make cultured butter by pouring one bottle into a quart jar and shaking vigorously for 10 minutes.  Of course, the cream was at the proper temperature for making butter, and it was not cold, straight from the fridge.  It did not make whipped sour cream instead.  It did not build up pressure to where it wouldn’t shake anymore, and make a little pressure-releasing sound when I opened the lid.  Of course I paid attention to this and just threw all the cream away.

So, because I learned from the previous batch, I did not let the other bottle sit on the counter a bit – the container did not deform because the cream warmed up.  I did not just pick up the bottle and start shaking it, and it definitely did not turn into another batch of sour whipped cream.  I did not open this pressurized container as well. Not me! This one did not POP open.  Whipped sour cream did not “poof” all over my face, black shirt, kitchen counter, and the kitchen floor for 5 feet.  My children did not think this was funny at all.

I did not have fun in the pool with my children this week, so I could not have tried to jump into the pool onto a beach ball and “hug” it on the way in to the water. I did not miss the ball and slap the water with my face, and my face did not sting for the next 10 minutes.

During lunch prep one day, I was not in a hurry while mixing “refried” beans with a stick blender.  Of course, child interruptions NEVER happen around here, so I did not have to dash off to intervene, leaving the blender sticking up out of the sloped bowl, on the 4-inch ledge in front of the sink.  I did not gasp 3 steps away, imagining what would happen.  2 seconds later, the bowl of pinto beans, melting cheese, and spices did not crash to the floor and land upside down on the kitchen floor.  I was perfectly calm.  I did NOT say, “Oh, well!  Dirty lunch today!”  And I definitely, absolutely did NOT scrape almost everything back into the bowl, and serve it anyway.  Not me!

While making pizza, I was not in a hurry, so I did not just cut off a piece of pepperoni, take it out of the wrapper, and show my daughter how to use a processor to slice the pepperoni.  The chopper worked like a dream – it did not dance all over the counter and we did not just keep going after turning the speed to “high”.

I absolutely had NOT forgotten to peel the casing off of the pepperoni.  So, of course, my children did not have to peel all the papery bits off of the sliced shredded pepperoni before we could use it on the pizza.  They did not enjoy this job, and were not mysteriously thirsty afterwards.

I did not have to starting taking notes for this post last Monday!  These posts are NOT my weekly therapy sessions…

Did you like this?  Check out my other Not Me Monday posts, or some of our family’s humorous moments!